Writing Sample

In December 2020, I got the opportunity to write for a major game studio. While it was a short lived relationship (such is freelancing, I’m afraid), I wanted to share the writing sample that I wrote for the interview process. The criteria was simple: 4 pages of dialogue. This is what I did.

Enjoy!

PLANNING THE HEIST

THE DIMLY-LIT BACK ROOM OF A TAVERN. THREE FIGURES ARE GATHERED AROUND A TABLE, HAVING AN ARGUMENT.

KANTO:                            Okay, this is a simple job.

CAIUS:                              You know, every time you say that, the job is complicated.

KANTO:                            Well, life is complicated, isn’t it? That’s not the point. Our friend the Count is having a little party to celebrate his son’s promotion to Captain, which will leave his guards busy and his significant, ill-gotten wealth vulnerable.

KANTO LACES HIS FINGERS BEHIND THE BACK OF HIS HEAD AND LEANS BACK IN HIS CHAIR.

                                         Which is, incidentally, where we come in.

BOLLAR:                           I don’t like this plan, Kanto.

KANTO:                            You haven’t even heard it yet.

BOLLAR:                           I still don’t like it.

KANTO:                            That doesn’t make any sense. Just listen to me for two minutes before you start arguing with me about it. Can you give me two minutes without interrupting me?

BEAT

                                         Good. Now, the party is in three days, which means he’s going to start bringing in extra staff to prepare tomorrow. That’s when I slip in and get to know the layout of the place, keep an eye on the guards and get a feel for their patterns, and make off with something small but noticeable so they decide to bring in extra guards for the party. One of which is going to be you, Bollar. Our man on the inside.

BOLLAR:                           I still don’t like it.

KANTO (to himself):       I only asked for two minutes, and you couldn’t even give me that.

CAIUS:                              What don’t you like about it?

BOLLAR:                           I don’t know. I just don’t like it.

KANTO:                            Well, in the face of such withering criticism, we should definitely scrap the whole job.

BOLLAR:                           Good.

KANTO:                            I’m being sarcastic, you idiot.

                                                   BOLLAR SITS UP STRAIGHTER AT THE INSULT.

BOLLAR:                           Hey, there is no need for name calling.

CAIUS:                              That was a bit uncalled for.

BOLLAR:                           I think you should let me plan the heist.

KANTO:                            Absolutely not.

CAIUS:                              Bit harsh.

BOLLAR:                           Why does it have to be your plan?

KANTO:                            Because all your plans involve kicking in the front door and killing all the guards.

BOLLAR:                           It is effective.

KANTO:                            It’s murder and its sloppy.

BOLLAR:                           I mean, if you want to get technical…

KANTO:                            Listen, big guy. We can’t run this job without you. Each of us brings something different to the crew. Caius, you can overcome any magical security measures they can imagine. You are the best in the city. Whatever they put up, you can take down before they even know you’re there.

CAIUS:                              I would call it flattery, but it’s true.

KANTO:                            Bollar, when things go wrong, one look from that gorgeous mug of yours will diffuse a violent situation better than a dozen hired swords. You have a gift for making people rethink their life choices.

BOLLAR:                           I’m also very intimidating when I want to be.

KANTO:                            Quite. And no one in the city is as devious as I am. Give me enough time and there is nowhere I can’t break into or out of. There isn’t a lock or door made that I can’t get past.

BOLLAR:                           I can do that too.

CAIUS:                              I don’t think he was talking about breaking the door down.

KANTO:                            The point is that we need each other. So just let me explain how we’re going to get in and we will have a very, very healthy payday at the end. Of course, we still need a plan to get the gold out of there without being seen. It isn’t like they are going to just hand it over, right?

BEAT

                                         Unless…

CAIUS AND BOLLAR:       I don’t like that look.

KANTO:                            Hear me out. I have a great idea…

My Writing Process

I sometimes wonder if I’m doing this writing thing correctly. I mean, I know the words and stuff. I know all kinds of words and occasionally I string them together into sentences. Words and sentences for days. Still, like many people at my stage of becoming a professional writer-type, I sometimes doubt that I’m going about it in the best way. So I thought I’d put my usual process for creating the articles, stories, and novels that I spend so much time and energy into and invite some of my creative friends on Facebook and Twitter to give me feedback.

Brannigan or Trump?

Remember last year when a giant racist orange gained sentience and declared it would run for president of the United States and we all laughed because it seemed like a big joke? Well, it turns out that orange wasn’t just an exceptionally angry and loud piece of fruit. It was actually Donald Trump, whom you might remember from his brief/ awkward cameo in 1992’s Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Or his fraudulent, failed “university” scheme. Or his numerous and hilarious failed businesses.

Rejection!

Ah, that sweet, familiar sting of rejection.

Time for Writing

I remember the day I told my father that I wanted to be a writer. He nodded, thought for a second, and, in the most supportive tone he could muster while trying to hide his disappointment from me, asked, “But how are you going to eat?”

His concern was justified, of course. Here I am 15 years later and I am only just at the point of maybe making a little bit of money off this whole writing thing. Truth is, as much time and energy as writing takes up, I’ve still got a damnedable day job to worry about. And I’m not even remotely alone in this situation, but to reach the lofty heights of “getting paid for making things up” still takes a huge amount of time, dedication, and luck. I can’t comment on dedication (you either have it or you don’t) or luck (it’s a fickle mistress), but time? Time is something we all have. Yet, the number one complaint I hear about being a writer is “I just can’t find the free time!”.

To which I always disagree. Not just because I enjoy disagreeing with people (I totally do) but because I always think that people over-estimate how much time each day it takes to be a writer. And, because I’m a Fixer and can’t help myself from trying to help, I always have a set of questions that I follow up with. Such as…

How Important is Writing to You?

And I don’t want an answer like “Very!” or “Its my passion!” because those are not helpful answers. They might be true but that doesn’t make them helpful.

Sit down and think about everything in your life for a moment. Done? Good. Now rate writing in a scale of one to ten, with one being “Not really bothered” and ten being “Sweet Zombie Jesus I MUST do this thing!”. Don’t compare it to anything else or try to quantify your answer. Just tell me how important it is to you.

Did you rate it six or lower? Then I have bad news for you: you’re not likely to find the time to be a writer. Not that you don’t have talent or that you don’t have a great story to tell. You just don’t find it important enough to take priority over other parts of your life. In my experience, unless you rate something a seven or higher in the Priority Scale (I don’t know its actual name. Just go with it), you probably aren’t going to make any major changes to your schedule to accommodate it. Something else will keep popping up that is more important.

Writing is hard. It takes years to learn. It takes longer to get good at. You will be plagued by doubt and insecurity pretty much every moment you do it. If it isn’t a priority to you, you won’t get back up when those rejection letters knock you off your feet.

Walk Me Through Your Day.

No, I don’t actually care about what you do all day. What I’m interested in is how much time you have lying around, waiting to be used for something better or more productive. Not that down time isn’t important, but so many people get home from work and sit on the couch all night and then complain that they have no time to write. For instance, how much time do you spend watching TV? Could that be spent writing? You don’t have to give up TV entirely. Just prioritise the shows you really like.

Oh, Simon and Tim. I could never quit you.

Sometimes, just cutting one show is enough time to get your writing done. With a bit of practice, you’ll be able to write around 500 words in half an hour. Do that five days a week and you’ve got one novel done and dusted every year without making any significant changes to your life. Just by using the time you have lying around, watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother on E4 every night because they cannot let that show die already.

Who Can Help You?

We are all busy people. I’m not even being sarcastic there. Science keeps telling us that we have more hectic and stressful lives than any time in history where the number one cause of death was “Died in Childbirth”. Between work, household chores, the need to be social with other humans, and the fact that our kids just refuse to raise themselves, we have a lot to do and sometimes we have too much on to get any writing done. So, if you find yourself ranking your writing as a seven or higher and, after dissecting your schedule to extract every possible free moment from it but still not coming up with enough to accomplish your goals, then it is time for the most difficult step:

Ask for help.

Can your partner do the dishes while you get some plotting done? Can they mow the lawn while you bosh out a few hundred words? Can your parents look after the spawn while you polish a chapter till it is fit for human consumption?

Make a list of all the people who you can rely on and think about how they can help. You’ll feel guilty but get over it. Promise them a shout out at the front of the book or a batch of those delicious cookies you make as a thank you once a month.

If it is your partner, do that thing he/she likes.

Make sure they know how important it is to you and how much even though it might not seem like it, these little things are helping you toward your dream. They are giving you the time you need to become the writer you know you’re capable of being.

They say that you never write alone. You’ll have editors and agents and publishers pouring over every word you write one day (or you already do, in which case hook a brother up, yo), but even those of us who haven’t reached that point always have an understanding partner, a supportive parent, or friends who know that sometimes you’ll miss social engagements because that line WILL NOT WORK THEY WAY IT IS GODDAMN SUPPOSED TO!

So that’s why I disagree with people who claim not to have time to write. You totally do, I promise. If it is important to you, you’ll find the time, you’ll change your schedule to fit it in, and you’ll find the courage to ask for help.

Hello World

There are a lot of things that I love.

I’m a bit of a writer. Ask me how I identify myself and it is as a writer. I even have some very convincing corroborating evidence on this tablet that I would totally let you look at except there is a chance you’ll look at my browser history or something and I prefer to keep that private.

My point is that I’m a writer and I freaking love being one, but it isn’t the only thing that I am. I’m also a completely unabashed geek. Do you have a shirt with the image of the moon from 90’s cartoon The Tick? Cause I totally do and I sometimes wear it to work. I have an entire bookcase dedicated to tabletop gaming rule books that I play on a regular basis with several gaming groups. There is a wardrobe in my spare room dedicated entirely to cosplay, for god’s sake. I’m happy (though not always proud) to be a geek.

I also cook. A lot. And surprisingly well! From homemade bread to whipping up some BBQ burritos with grilled peach salsa to good old pecan pie, I’m pretty diverse in what I cook at home. I also love eating out because it gives me the wonderful option of eating delicious food without actually having to cook it myself. It’s a wonderful feeling.

There are other things that I do. I run a lot and have a few marathons under my belt already. I’m qualified to teach people to fight with swords, daggers, and grappling. I game, obsess over TV shows from time to time, and even enjoy a bit of history as well.

What I’m saying is that I do a lot of stuff and while I’ll probably try to focus this blog on some of my bigger interests, I’m not above going on a tangent when something new and shiny catches my eye. It’s really half the fun of having a blog, to be honest. I’ll try to keep this thing on target as much as possible, but you’ll have to forgive me if I go off on a tangent now and then.